


The man in a suit

by Greensatan



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: AU, Abusive Parents, Angst, Crazy John, Depressed Sherlock, Drunk John, M/M, Protective Sherlock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-09 01:22:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1139768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greensatan/pseuds/Greensatan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is one of those stories where two people changes each other's life. Except that it's a bit more complicated than that. You see, one of them might be crazy and one of them might not be real.</p><p>And that's not even the start of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first

**Author's Note:**

> ―How did you knew all that? 
> 
> ―You can see me? Right sorry, you asked first

Life is hard.

Im not complaining, Im just saying. It's a fact. Everyone knows it, most of them forgets it but some of them can't stop remembering it. It can be really hard to tell those kinds of people apart.

That's where I come in.

―Yeah, that's not a good idea. You need to...

―It's just that I don't know what... I can't Jenny I swear this is so hard. ―the woman broke down crying (again), not paying the slightest attention to me (again too).

―Listen I understand how frustrated you must be, you may think that your job won't be enough, and you thought it but you don't want to get an abortion. Actually you shouldn't, I've got a feeling about that child. Now to the job...

―How could he do it? I should have know this would happen I was so stupid! 

―The guy didn't want to wear protection in the first place! how did you not see that coming? ―I screamed at her in frustration―. You know what, it might be a good thing that you can't hear me. ―I said more calm now. I ran a hand trough my hair and the woman took her purse and left, cleaning the tears with one hand and holding the phone with another.

.

―It's not what I meant! ―screamed the guy while sitting on my bench.

―What's your deal? ―He was talking on the phone completely ignoring the tiny dog bouncing and barking to get his attention―. Well you can't be more than twenty five, you are a lawyer. You're engaged and the dog belongs to you're fiance who has quite a temper. You don't get a say in the wedding although you want to. Did I miss something?  
Well of course he didn't answer me he just keep talking on the phone like nothing else existed. I might not exist but the dog does and he wanted to play.

―Well that's just mean. ―I trew the ball as far as I could, the man didn't notice but the dog did and he ran after the ball. It almost made me smile. Almost.  
I stared at the sky, both arms stretched on the bench―. how long I've been doing this? Months, sure, years... probably. ―I put my hands together, playing with my fingers trying to avoid old memories. But that wasn't helping. I pressed my forehard in both of my hands. When I looked up it was already night time.

.

―What about you? Let's see. ―There was a kid now, unplugging his headphones from his ears. I stared at the park, it was getting quite late―. That's not your phone, it's your brother and you don't get along with him. Maybe because of his drinking. You're looking for a job because you don't accept the money they're giving you, maybe because you're still upset with your mother about how he beat you which is maybe why you're brother has drinking problem. Did I miss something?

―How did you knew all that? 

I tunred my head to him, and I realized it. He was looking at me. He was staring at me. I can't remember the last time somebody looked at me like that, like he could actually see me. Not looking through me, but at me.

I couldn't help but let out a quiet: 

―You can see me? ―when he heard that he let out a chuckle he looked like he was going to say something but I cut him.

―Right sorry, you asked first. ―I missed this―. Your phone is obviously used and even though you just got it by the way you put it on your bag you don't worry about it, you wouldn't do that if it were the phone of a cousin, no, it had to be a closer relative, brother, for they way you threw it in the bag you don't get a long with him. But how do I know you just got it? Well the headphones still had some remaining of glue, you bought them recently just for the phone. How do I know that you're brother has a drinking problem? around the edge of the power connection there's tiny little scuff marks, those are drunk's marks. All your clothes are old except the trousers, they didn't fit you any more so you had to change them but you didn't changed the rest of your clothes, why? because you didn't want to take more money. But maybe you don't have money and you only needed to change the trousers so that's why you did it, right? No, you have a golden ring, it doesn't have anything written on it, it's not sentimental, they just bought it because they could and you use it only because you got used to it. How do I know you're looking for a job, well you have copies of your resume in the bag. And of course, you have some scratch marks. A father wouldn't do that, they would hit you. So of course, mother. Did I miss anything?

Yes I know I'm showing off, I love showing off and I missed showing off. 

―That was amazing! Are you some sort of cop or something like that? ―He was exited it was clear. I could have done it again. Pretend that I was real one more time. I had a long time to think about it and I had promised myself that I wouldn't do it this time. And I know it wouldn't be easy but I had to do it. But looking at this kid face. Yes his life wasn't great but the last thing I wanted was to ruin it more―. I'm John.

―Well... I'm... I'm... sorry. ―I got up, ignoring the disappointment in his face.

―What? Wait ―he said, but he didn't try to stop me. 

That's the first person that could saw me in, I dare to say, years. And that's my reaction. Well done.

.

For the first time in a long time, I left the bench. But I didn't left the park. I would lay on a tree and John would sit in my bench. I played with the engaged man's dog, and he stared at his phone and pretended he wasn't watching me, he was awful at that.

This went on for months. It was rather annoying, but at least I wasn't bored. Actually I started to enjoy that staring game me and John were having.

It was late at night, it was raining and I was laying against my tree. Watching what used to be my bench. I haven't sit on it since I talked to John.

―How changes comes to us all. That bench used to be my home. Now you are. ―I said resting a hand on the tree―. But you're good, it's not easy writing things on you as on the bench, but I've seen a lot of interesting bugs thanks to you. I think I'll call you Bill. ―I know that names means getting attached, but I have no intention of leaving this tree.

I was watching a spider when I heard a giggle. 

There was someone on the bench.

It was too dark to see anything but I saw something. Whoever it was, it was waving at me.

―Hi.

―John? ―I got up from the tree, it felt weird. When I got up from my bench to go to what would become my tree I walked without realizing it, even though I couldn't remember the last time I actually stood up. But now I feel it. I wasn't just walking, I was going somewhere. I felt every little weight of all those years. And after four steps, I began to run.

―Do you remember me? ―he was trying hard to stare, he was wasted. And the rain wasn't helping.

―Are you drunk?

―If you can't tell that I'm drunk then you aren't much sober either. ―he let out a laugh and tried to stood up but noticing he couldn't he just sat.

―What are you doing out here? Do you have any idea how dangerous is it? ―He was about to talk but I cut him off―. Oh of course you do. You love danger, don't you John?

He didn't respond. Good. I didn't need him to.

―You should take a cab, do you have money?

―Are you worried about me? ―he was smiling. I wasn't going to answer. He didn't needed to. I do. And that how it stars. First I worry, then I start to take care, then I'm protecting them and then I'm..., well it doesn't matter, it the end I'm always leaving. That's what it matters. None of this is new for me.

―Who are you? 

―I'm just a man in a suit. Nothing you should worry about. ―I stared at the street, looking for a cab.

―I meant your name.

―I don't have a name.

―Everyone has a name.

―I don't. 

―Listen, I'll probably won't remember it I mean look at me. Please. I know you have a name, at least in your mind. ―No one ever asked my name. No one. Maybe that's what made me say it.

―Sherlock.

―Well that's one hell of a name. I mean of course you'd choose something like that, so unique and elegant. Not like John. I hate that name. John. It's like you're screaming that you're ordinary, that you don't matter.

I didn't looked at him, although I really wanted to. I wanted to talk to him, to tell him he wasn't ordinary, that he did matter. But I did that too many times and it didn't end well.

He was watching me, I was going to say something when I spotted a cab.

―There's a cab coming, you should stop him if you don't have any money you could...

―You're not the first, you know? ―he said without making any attempt to get up―. I first I wasn't sure, now that I realize it kind of obvious. Makes me feel kind of stupid for not noticing.

―The first what? ―the cab was gone but my attention was on John now.

―The first hallucination. I know you're not real.

Well now that is new.


	2. You choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those stories where two people changes each other's life. Except that it's a bit more complicated than that. You see, one of them might be crazy and one of them might not be real.
> 
> And that's not even the start of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ―I'll give you three theories but I won't tell you which one is truth.
> 
> ―That seems useful

―I left you speechless haven't I? 'Bet it's not easy to do that. You're making me feel special Sherlock. ―said John and started to walk. I tried to not smile at hearing my name in someone else's mouth for the first time. I liked it. I want to hear it more often. Not that he needed to know that.

―What are you doing? You're too drunk to walk. ―I said following him.

―Then why am I doing it? ―he said turning around and putting his hands in the air.

―Because you're drunk. And being drunk makes you believe that you can do things even though you can't. That's why you were in the park, that's why you talked to me. ―He looked at me and kept walking. He was doing the drunk walk, he could fall in any moment. I put both of my hands in my pockets to avoid the temptation of grabbing him if that happens.

―You want to know how I noticed? ―Finally―. It's not that much of a great deduction, you could say it's pretty dumb but it's all I needed―. he looked at me and smiled. I didn't. After a couple of minutes he said it―. It's raining.

―You were right. Not much of a great deduction. ―he stopped walking and stared at me the same way he used to do it in the park. He looked at my eyes, my lips, my hair.

―It's raining. ―He took a step closer―. And you. ―He took another one―. Aren't. Wet. ―With that he turned around and kept on walking. I fixed my hair and kept on following him. I was aware that he knew what I was dying to ask. He kept smiling and looking at me and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

―So... what's stopping you from asking? ―he looked at the sky, the buildings, the floor, anything but me.  
―I don't know what you're talking about.  
―Oh please! ―he turned around again and pointed a finger at me―. You're dying to know! 

I frowned and got closer too. I was not going to let him think that he was ahead of me―. What makes you so sure? 

He didn't say anything. But he didn't looked scared either. He was... exited. Well of course he was, how foolish of me. Yes I have plenty of reasons to have questions but, him? I'm not the first 'hallucination', he saw things that other couldn't and there's two ways that that could have happened. He saw them while being with someone else therefore, he had to pretend that he wasn't seeing anything. Or maybe he saw them regularly and then one day, thinking about it he realize. Or maybe...

―Why did you said hallucination? Why are you so sure I'm an hallucination?

―Well I... ―he blinked a few times and I knew he was starting to stutter. 

―Except that you aren't. You aren't sure are you John? No of course not. In fact, you have questions too. So many question that you're dying to know the answers. You've been dying to know them for so long. How long was it? You've been waiting for this moment and you don't know which question ask first, and you're scared. Because maybe the answers are not what you expected or worst, they are. But don't worry, I'm right here, and if you tell me everything I need to know, and I know you will, both of us will have the answers that we need. ―I didn't realize that I was stepping closer and closer as I talked, but I was and now John was against a wall and I could feel him breathing. I step back and fixed my coat―. Shall we begin?

―What? Right, of course. ―he said walking―. I.. I never thought of them as a hallucinations, at first, you see, actually, I never stop to think about them. They usually came when I came across a situation that made me feel scared, angry, sad or nervous. And they tried to help me, sometimes, I think, anyway I never asked them anything. To be honest, I used to forget about them unless they were with me.

―Did you really forget them or you pretended because you wanted to avoid the situation? 

―Does it really matter? ―Yes. Of course it did. But I didn't want to push him―. Hallucinations were the most logical theory, which is pretty dumb also because I'm not crazy and I never take any drugs, of any kind.

―You had other theories? Please do share. ―I said raising my eyebrows, sarcasm in my voice.

―Well, spirits, ghosts. ―he said with his head down. Obviously embarrassed.

―Once you die you can't come back, it's over. Don't forget that.

―Yeah well, That seemed a better idea that aliens. ―I chuckled and when I was about to say something John stopped me―. Don't you dare. It wasn't my best theory.

―No it wasn't.

―But then you came along, ―continued John, like I haven't said anything― I wasn't scared, or angry or anything. It was a regular day in my life, and it was confusing because you didn't do anything you just... you just were there, like a regular human, like... like you were real. You screwed all my theories.

―Funny things, theories. Just remember that no matter how much theories you have there will always be two more. ―he waited for me to continue and when he was looking like he was going to punch me, I talked―. That all the theories are a lie, or that all of them are truth.

―I'll keep that in mind. 

He didn't said anything else for a while. I knew he needed time to think so I stayed in silence too. As we were walking I was thinking that I want to know more about John, more about the things he can see and why he can see them. I want to know everything that there's to know about him and more, until all that's left to know are things to discover.

―You can't answer all the questions I have, and I can't answers yours either. Any ideas? ―he said laying on his house's door with his eyes closed. Looks like we're here.

―Come to the park, once more time. I'll give you three theories but I won't tell you which one is truth.

―That seems useful. ―he didn't open his eyes but he smiled. I smiled too, not that he can see it.

―I'll work on the theories and then I'll answers all your question based on the theory you choose.

―Well then I think I should give you time to work on the... ―I stared at him and he huffed, never opening his eyes―. Right you're a genius. Sorry. ―after a while he blurted out―. Dickhead. ―I couldn't help but let out a laugh, and he joined me. It didn't last less than a minute, but I needed that moment.

―Goodbye John.

―Watson. ―I turned around, he was just like before. Eyes closed, smiling. I lift up my hand and tried to reach up for his cheek, I stopped when I realized what I was doing. John Watson would never knew.

.

It took me more time to choose between the bench and Bill than to work on the theories. I kept Bill, my time with the bench had ended. I looked at the park like it was the last time. The engaged man came with his wife and both played with the dog although I could spot the men cleaning his hands in his pants when the woman couldn't see him. The pregnant woman wearing an uniform that I could tell was from the coffee shop from across the street was laughing with another women. I sighed put my hands behind my chin.

When John came he was scratching his neck and he wouldn't look at me. He waited for me to do something but I didn't move. At all. He dropped his bag and sat by my side.

―Listen I'm really sorry. I can be such an asshole when I'm drunk. I don't know what went trough me. I can't remember all, I mean I remember the important stuff, or what I think it's important but... I said things or I said them in a way that I shouldn't have I didn't mean...

―John. ―I said without moving―. Stop talking.

John laid relaxed and stared at the park with me. Sometimes he tried to stare at me, and when he did I stared him back and he would look another way. I realized, if I had to spend all those years just with John in the same way we are right now, maybe it wouldn't have been so boring.

―There was something about theories, wasn't it? ―he started to play with the grass without looking up.

―Yes, there was. ―I looked at him now―. Are you ready to hear them?

He nodded.

―First, I'm more than just an hallucination. I've been in this world for too long, wandering for the people who can see me, the people I need to help. And you are one of them. Second, I'm the image of what you need, I have a bond with you, your mind and your emotions. I will be with you when you need me. Even if you don't want me. Third, ―I breathed in, I didn't liked this theory in particular―. You are crazy, your mind it's falling apart and created the things it needed to survive. Including me. 

It took a while for John to talk but he did, although he never looked up or stopped playing with the grass.

―I take the fifth. ―I stare at the tree, not wanting to look at him―. All the theories are truth.

He then looked at me but I didn't. He knew I couldn't tell him if he was wrong or right.

―Can you answer my questions now?

―Only if you answer mines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi... Listen English it's not my first language, so if something it's wrong please be easy on me.


	3. Let's start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those stories where two people changes each other's life. Except that it's a bit more complicated than that. You see, one of them might be crazy and one of them might not be real.
> 
> And that's not even the start of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ―Because you don't know?
> 
> ―No, because I don't want to.

Seventeen minutes had passed. I kept watching the dog, not moving an inch, except for blinking and maybe breathing. John on the other hand couldn't stay still. He played with the grass, he fixed his hair, he cleared his throat and (most of the time) he pretended that he wasn't staring at me.

―Ok then, how do we do this? ―He blurted out. So that's what was going trough his mind all this time.

I raised an eyebrow in response.

―I mean, I have so many questions about you, I mean not about you but about... you know, and you have questions too, well you must have them I mean... ―he let out a nervous laughter while he scratched the back of his neck―. I mean...

I stared at him. He clenched his lips and looked down. He didn't like eye contact. Fine then. I returned to my position, not looking at him.

―I admire your ability to express yourself sober even worst that when you're drunk. It is indeed remarkable. ―He tried to look angry (he failed) and stayed in silence―. I understand that you must feel confused giving the situation. You have chosen to believe that all of the theories I gave you were true, then how am I going to answer the questions? Simple, I'll elaborate an answer that'll match the three theories. Or maybe choose a theory and use that as a reference. It depends.

―It depends on what?

―My mood.

He didn't liked that.

―You are such ―he took a deep breath and... was he counting?―. Should I ask you everything I want and then we could settle, like, a day were we could meet and maybe then you'll have the answers ready and... ―I stared at him trying not to smile―. And you don't need to prepare the answer because you're a genius of course. Right.

I put my hands together and sat straight while facing him.

―So then we are...

―Don't start that! Don't you dare! You... your face! And your... your, ugh. You love showing off don't you? ―he turned around roughly and I stood there watching him for a second, then I decided to focus on the park. What did I did now? He said I was amazing before, I know he didn't changed his mind about that, sure he is not a genius but he's also not an idiot. Not that much I'm hoping. I blinked a few times and then I opened my mouth but John cut me off.

―Oh shut up!

―I didn't said anything. You didn't even let me...

―Just go on.

―But you said...!

―Shut up and go on.

I changed my mind. John Watson is an idiot.

―John please don't make me point out how wrong is that sentence.

―Why not? I bet you'd love that.

We stared at opposite directions. I have no idea how John looked, probably mad, but I know how I looked, frustrated and confused. I knew he was peeking so I turned around and stared at him. After a couple of seconds of avoiding me he, smiled. He actually smiled. It was just a little smile. It lasted less than one second. But it was there and I saw it. Guess I should talk now.

―So you want to ask first? ―Of course he wasn't looking at me.

―Can you read my mind?―He played with his shoelaces while he was talking, he seemed embarrassed. I took a deep breath before answering.

―Not in the way you think. I am capable of getting access to certain thoughts or memories by looking into your mind, we share some sort of mental bridge which allows me to do that. I can't do it most of the time. I'll get a better view of your mind when you can't keep your emotions under control. ―He started to rip off the grass and then he shoved his hands in his pockets roughly when he noticed what he was doing―. I'm guessing you're not good at that.

He shook his head.

―Sorry to disappoint you. ―he said clenching his jaw, looking at a fixed point somewhere behind me―. You have to ask something now.

He doesn't like talking about it then.

―Well... ―I tried to concentrate and choose one questions of all the ones I had―. When did it start?

John liked to avoid my looks but this was different. He wanted to disappear, I felt it. I could hear his heartbeat, it was fast, way to fast. It almost looked like was trying not to cry.

―I don't know. ―I barely hear it. It was less than a whisper. But he said it (maybe to me, maybe to himself)

―John...

―I don't know! ―he shouted. Some people at the park were staring, once he realized that he stood up and started to walk.

―John!

I was screaming and running, but I only realized it once I left the park.

Where is he? Where am I? I was lost, I couldn't find him. But then John went to be nowhere to be seen to be everywhere I look. Wherever I turn I saw John walking away, clenched fist by his sides, getting away from me. Like everyone else. I closed my eyes, focusing on one thought.

John.

People passing me by. Too many of them, they're walking, no, they're running, screaming. No. Those are not people.

Just one thought. Put it together, you can do this.

John.

Voices. They're voices. Not people. Those are voices.

'This is your fault' 'You'll always be like this' 'You're a piece of trash' 'Lie, all you do is lie!' 'This is what's wrong with you'

 _John_.

Everything it's so bright. So white. I can't see anything. Hold tight to that thought and you'll be fine.

'You and I know that this it's not the way you're supposed to act' 'Rebellion, so sexy and it feels good doesn't it?' 'I don't like this game, it's getting boring. And believe me, you don't want to be boring'.

Sherlock.

―Sherlock! ―That was John.

―John you... ―John was sitting in a bench staring at me, he was looking in between confused and worried. Of course he was worried, after what happened at the park. Maybe he thought I wouldn't follow him, that he wouldn't see me again. Sorry John. I looked around. I was in the street. I don't know where we were, it didn't look close to the park but it couldn't be too far away either. But I was tired, exhausted actually, running like that in a couple of minutes makes you feel that way. But that couldn't be possible, I had ran fifteen blocks, no it wasn't fifteen blocks, it felt like that because of how much time I've spent running. No, I said I ran for a couple of minutes but, no wait. I need to think. Let's get the facts straight. I was looking for John, who should stop staring at me like that, and then... I probably shouldn't take care of this right now.

I was feeling exhausted again, great. Was I breathing so heavily all that time? I hope not. I am doing it now. Maybe I should stop it.

John raised his eyebrows waiting for an explanation.

―You... You are here. I was looking for you. ―I pointed at him and then I proceed to carefully throw myself in the bench by his side.

―I can see that. ―he looked me up and down while I tried to breath normally again―. Did you ran a marathon before that?

―Shut up... trying to... catch... some air here... ―I said between betweens breaths.

―Yeah, good thing that you don't have to ran after it to catch it. ―I let out a laugh and he started to laugh too―. That was a lame joke.

We sighed and after a couple of minutes we stood in silence again, I hope it won't become an habit. John closed his eyes and breathed slowly.

―I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It's just, it really piss me off that you can answer my questions so easily because... ―he stared at me and licked his lips before talking―. Because I can't answers yours. I can't remember any of the hallucinations, I just know that I have them. It's awful and I hate it. I wish I could answer your questions, because they're my questions too.

He looked down once he stopped talking. Neither of us was speaking. But it was different this time, John was in silence because he didn't need to say anything else, I was in silence because I didn't know what to say. I'm glad that there's only one person who can see me because I can barely handle interaction with one person.

―John, maybe you'll be glad to know that I can't tell you everything either. ―He looked up, the shadow of an upcoming smile on his face.

―Because you don't know?

―No, because I don't want to. It goes against my rules. ―John was acquiring the ability to look like he was going to punch me and burst out laughing at the same time.

―Then how is that supposed to make me feel glad?

―I said maybe. ―Wasn't it obvious? He let out a chuckle and something that sounded like 'of course'.

―You're not going to tell me about the rules are you? ―I shocked my head and he nodded―. I was expecting that.

―You couldn't answer my questions I couldn't answer yours. Are we even now?

―Not even remotely.

―We'll be one day.

We weren't looking at each other but we were smiling. It was getting dark but John didn't seem to care, or notice. He was resting his head on the bench, closed eyes facing the sky. Things were good. It was almost as if there was nothing to worry about.

―Any ideas on what are we going to do?

But there was. Wouldn't it be nice, though? I don't know. Sounds boring.

―I'll figure out something.

―Should I be worried? ―This is the first time I watch John staying completely still, relaxed. He should stay like this more often.

―Don't ask questions you already know just because you're afraid of the answers.

For one moment, he just stood there, then he was smiling. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better.

 

.

Not my best plan I have to admit. But watching John's face was worth it. Mouth hanging open, his eyebrows contracted, he was either confused or angry. Or both. Even better.

―John what are you staring at? ―asked the girl that was at his side. His sister―. Is there a ghost here or something?

―I'm not a ghost ―I was answering her question but she obviously couldn't hear me so I smiled at John―. I'm his new roommate.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry if there's something wrong. English is not my first language.


End file.
